Episode 35: Managing Stress

In this episode, Donielle and Khrystyna open up about the everyday stressors we all face. We share how stress shows up in our lives and our personal tips for managing it. Tune in for relatable stories, vocabulary-rich natural conversation, and a few laughs along the way.

Show Notes

Transcript

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D           Welcome to Coffee and Conversation for ESL Listening. I'm Donielle.

K            And I'm Khrystyna, so grab a cup and join the conversation. 

D           Hello, it's so nice to see you again. I should not sing, that's terrible.  

K            It is nice to see you. 

D           Nobody wants to hear that. Oh my goodness. But yes, it is nice to see your smiling face. Nobody else can see your smiling face, but trust me, she's smiling. 

K:           Yeah, how have you been? 

D           Well, you know... Going. Just... going. 

K            You sound a little bit stressed out to me. 

D           You know, funny you should mention it. Because that's our topic for today. Yes, yes. I think it's a good topic. I mean, I think we all get stressed sometimes. 

K            Yeah, I mean, doesn't matter where you at and what you do. I feel like everybody at some point in time will get a little stressed out. 

D           Yeah, yeah. It's part of living, right? If you're not stressed, you know, you're either really lucky or you're not with us anymore. I don't know. 

K            You know, I wonder if there's anybody in the world, if they ever done some sort of a study that they found a person who was never stressed out. I don't know if it's possible. 

D           I don't think so. I mean, I think just the very act of living, you know, there's something, even if let's say you have all the money in the world, you don't have to worry about work. You know, then you’ve got people trying to maybe get your money or who knows? 

K            Cause I mean, I can see it…you don't even have to be [an] adult to be stressing out. Cause I see my 11-year old stresses out every morning because he has to go to school. 

D           Yeah. Isn't that funny? I remember being 11, okay. And thinking, I was very stressed out about a lot of things too. And thinking that certain things were just like so major and oh, it's so drastic and…crisis! And I look back with my adult brain and I'm like, come on. 

K            I know; that's why every time that he complains about something that he's stressed… but he doesn't just say, I'm stressed; he goes, I am depressed. You know, and there's a difference, obviously, between being stressed and depressed or having depression. But he's always, I am just depressed. I have a, I have a test. I have a quiz today, so I am depressed. Like, oh. Okay. There, there, honey. There, there. You'll be okay. 

D           Oh my goodness, that's funny.  

K            My child is very dramatic. 

D           Well, you know, at that age, they are dramatic. It's true. Like I said, I remember being that age and the most ridiculous things would just be like, oh my gosh, the earth is falling apart. The world is shattering … and it's nothing.  

K            The end is near! 

D           Yeah, yeah, really! So anyway, well, let's start off talking a little bit about like just a lot of different things that cause stress. What are some things that cause you personally some stress? I mean, it be work, it could be home life, it could be anything. 

K            I mean work, definitely. I feel like uncertainty, like when I don't know what's coming, what's going to happen -that causes me stress. So I like to kind of know I like to plan. But you know what causes me stress: when somebody's sick in the house - when my kiddo is sick or my husband sometimes gets sick, it really stresses me out because I feel like I have no control over it, right? I can't do anything.  

D           When you started to say about uncertainty and things like that, the word that came into my mind was “control”. It's like a feeling like you can't control something. So yeah, I get it. 

K            Right, right. Well, because you know, you think when you don't stress out about things, like because you know what's coming next, right? You know what you have to do, you know how things will work out. And when you don't know, or things don't go the way you think they should, I think that stress is coming in because that control, right? It's out of your control. There's nothing you can do. What about you? What stresses you out? 

D           Yeah. Well, currently, since I don't have the kind of job that you do anymore, my work doesn't really stress me out, you know, because it's just me, myself, and I over here and talking to some, you know, nice students around the world, and that's fun. So I really don't have anything to complain about there. But yeah, I would say: news. 

K            Oh yeah, I absolutely agree. Right now, I think anytime you see news, it's just additional stress. 

D           Yeah, again, I think it's like you can't control, you're not really able to predict what's going to happen. And yeah, it can feel very stressful for sure. 

K            Yeah. Well, when I asked you what stresses you out, I thought you were going to say your husband. 

D           Oh well…. 

K            Just kidding! 

D           No, I mean, of course that happens too, right? You know, when you're married, you can stress each other... I'm sure I stress him out too. You know. 

K            Yes, absolutely. I think it goes both ways. 

D           Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, so of course there's that and then there's just, in general, family situations, like you say, if someone is sick or if you don't know what the outcome is going to be. Yeah, it can be very stressful. 

K            Yeah, I was just gonna say, like, because my family is so far away, \ I worry about them, right? So that kind of stresses me out or if something happens and I'm, I can't do anything about it, because I am far away, like that stresses me out. You know, or sometimes it's just dealing with people. You know, you just never know. And people can be nice or people can stress you out. 

D           Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, definitely. I can definitely get stressed out by people that are just mean or rude for no reason. 

K            Yes. You know, I sometimes think about people who work in customer service or like call centers, right? Or like insurance call center or… can you imagine the amount of stress they go through every single day? Because I am sure they're not always dealing with the nicest people. Because, I mean, who calls those places? People who need to complain! So I just, yeah, it's hard. It would be really tough. 

D           Oh yeah. Well, I, you know, many, many years ago I worked in an office. It was insurance, but not the same kind of thing because it was through the university, but still, there were so many really rude people and for no reason, you know, here I am just trying to make my couple little tiny dollars an hour. You know, I was like just out of school really. And I was just trying to get through things and get through my life and, they'll just be nasty for no reason. And that is very stressful. And I always think about like, could you imagine being the person who works at say, for example, the, lost baggage department at an airport or something, someone who gets only frantic people or something; it would be awful. 

K            That would be horrible. I don't know how they... I feel bad for those workers there. Or employees. That would be just a horrible job to have. Just horrible. 

D           Yeah, yeah. Or like a 911 dispatcher or something, you know, always dealing with life-threatening situations. So yeah, I'm very fortunate and happy to not be involved in that. 

K            Yeah, that would be that would be tough. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine.  

D           You have to have a certain personality for that, which I do not have. 

K            Or even like, you know, being a healthcare professional, a doctor, a nurse or, you know, like the EMT. That would be tough, too. That's extremely stressful and just so fast and a lot of pressure and everything. I don't think I can do that. But I wonder what jobs are the least stressful. 

D           That's a good question. Somebody must have done some kind of a survey about the professions or ranked them from most to least stressful. Maybe you can find some out right now. I don't know. But meanwhile, I thought I would talk a little bit about how do we physically feel when we're stressed out? And I'll start. I personally, I feel like if I'm really, really stressed out, I feel like my chest gets really tight. And I find myself needing to take a big deep breath and just let it in and let it out, and itjust kind of eases the stress a little bit. 

K            I can relate to that too. I feel like sometimes I get a headache when I'm stressed out even, kind of like a pressure in my head that you you're trying to figure stuff out or, or sudden tiredness, right? Sometimes I feel like when I'm really stressed out, and then I've noticed that there's a good expression: When you when you feel like you hit the wall. I feel like it happens to me at least a couple of times a year when you're just so stressed out and you just have so much going on that you physically just feel exhausted and fatigued and you just feel like you hit the wall and can't seem to figure anything out anymore. So I feel like there is definitely a physical side to stress. It's not just, you know, your emotional or mental... I feel like there are physical symptoms when you become stressed out. 

D           And you're right about that being tired too. I've been in a situation where I got really super stressed out and my reaction is to just be like, oh my gosh, I can't even stay awake; I need to take a nap. But then there's the other side of that. Sometimes when you get so stressed out, you can't sleep, you know, because your mind is just going and going. 

K            Right, and they say that's one of the side effects or signs of being stressed out. You lose your sleep, you can't sleep. That's the worst part. I don't know if that ever happens to you, but I've kind of been experiencing that. You know, when you wake up in the middle of the night and then you just can't go back to sleep. And so that happened to me recently on the weekend, it was Saturday night, and I just, I woke up at four o'clock in the morning and could not go back to sleep. Tossed and turned and tried to do this and that and tried to count sheep and tried. 

D           Well, you know, I don't know if this is a universal concept of counting sheep. Is it? I don't know. 

K            Yeah, we count animals, we count sheep or count elephants. Sometimes I remember when I was little, we had to count elephants.  

D           Count elephants? Oh that’s adorable! 

K            So I tried everything, right? I just, I to read my book. And then finally I was like, you know, I'm just done. I can't sleep. I'm going to go downstairs to maybe sit on the couch, keep reading my book or watch TV or something, right? Because I can't, I just can't go back to sleep. So I went downstairs, sat on the couch, with my blanket, was reading my book, and I kind of started dozing off. I'm using a lot of vocabulary words today. 

D           Yeah, I'm just thinking that. 

K            And guess what? My dearly beloved dog comes into my room with her squeaky toy and starts running around with that squeaky toy up and down the hallway into the room. I have her crate, like a big metal crate here in this room. Then she decides to go in the crate and try to make sure that the door works. So it's this clink, clink, clink all the time. Then she starts barking. Then she comes in, looks at me, starts whining and leaves the room. I'm like, well, I guess she has to go out now. So there was no way for me to go back to sleep at that point. It's always the worst feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night or when you wake up half an hour before your alarm goes off.  

D           Ugh! That’s just maddening! 

K            Yes! Can't go back to sleep. And you're right, you cannot turn off your brain, right? You can't seem to shut it down. You just keep spinning and all these different things you start thinking about and they don't necessarily, they're not even important things you think about. “What I'm going to cook for dinner tonight?” It doesn't matter. But I think, and I think maybe it is because of stress, right? Your, your mind keeps going and trying to figure stuff out and just one of those things. 

D           I listen to podcasts to try to go to sleep because otherwise, you know, I just can't. But even that started to not work for me recently because again, my brain was just going and I'm listening to this podcast, and thisis kind of funny because it doesn't seem like it would be relaxing because it's, you know, true crime, you know. 

K            was just gonna say, is it a true crime podcast? 

D           It is, it is. And normally it just lulls me right to sleep. So ridiculous. But it's in Spanish. And so I have to like really kind of concentrate for a little bit. And I think maybe part of that is why it tires me out, because I have to really kind of use my brain. But nowadays I feel like I just can't even concentrate enough to even know what they're talking about anymore. So I thought, okay, I've got to find something else, know, something meditative kind of thing. And have you heard of this ASMR?

 K            ASMR? 

D           Don't ask me what it stands for because….Oh, autonomous sensory meridian response is what it stands for. It doesn't make any sense, but yeah. So basically what it is, is there's a very small percentage of the population. Well, like 15 to 20% they say that will have this thing that they will kind of focus on little sounds like tapping or crumpling paper or you just maybe whispers or something like that. And you get like this meditative state kind of, and sometimes you feel like a little tingly on the back of your neck or you're, you're looking at me like I'm crazy, but it's a real thing  

K            No, it makes sense. 

D           yeah, and it has happened to me. I didn't know it had a name at all. And I was like, that's really weird. So I started thinking, well, maybe I could try that to go to sleep. So I found a podcast that has that as well. And yeah, it's really helpful.  

K            Does it work? 

D           Yeah, yeah! 

K            Because I noticed that sometimes my husband when he is struggling tofall asleep. He will have just like white noise right like a background some sort of… 

D           Yeah, I guess it's the same kind of concept. Yeah. 

K            I wonder And you know they do that for babies.  When they can't fall asleep Or you know, they will like I remember we did it with our son and I've heard from other parents, other people doing that. They will have like a little white noise machine. Well, not anymore.  Right now, you can just turn on whatever on your phone. But you would just turn it on in the room and it helps them fall asleep too. So that makes sense. 

D           Yeah. Yeah, but this is a little bit different just because it's the kinds of sounds that it is. It's, yeah…, you almost feel like you're in a little bit of a trance. And in case I need to explain that a little bit, it's like you're so in deep concentration or focus that you kind of, everything around you kind of blurs, you know what I mean? So yeah, that's been my new thing. 

K            Well, they do say that one of the ways, which we'll start talking soon about how to deal with stress and all that, one of the ways to help to deal with stress is meditation. They say it's a big, like huge help. It's pretty popular. People try to meditate to get through that.  

D           Have you tried that before? 

K            Meditation? I didn't necessarily try meditation. I tried mindfulness, like practicing mindfulness, which is very similar. It's a little bit different concept; mindfulness is more of kind of like when you're listening to somebody talk to you, you try to put yourself in a certain place. But you also… like when I did mindfulness, it was interesting because eventually as you're going through it, you can almost like smell and taste things while you're in... Yes. Yeah. It's, it was like, wow, what was that? One time, I was, it was a kind of like a workshop meditation, but mindfulness, right. And, the person who led it in one of the things they were telling us to kind of go into this place and then there's a lemon tree and you know... And have you heard of it? Yeah. 

D           Okay. Well, because it sounds like guided meditation and I was going to tell you about my experience. So yeah, it's similar. Yeah. 

K            Right, so I think there might be like a, you know, similarity there. But you close your eyes and you try to kind of imagine yourself there. And it was interesting, by the end of this mindfulness activity, like I could smell lemons, I could almost taste the sour lemon; I was like, wow, well, this is pretty cool. 

D           That is, well, I think it was more successful for you because, yeah, and I kind of chalk it up to maybe just my brain just doesn't work this way, but I just could not get myself in that place mentally. I couldn't put myself there. And as they're telling me, oh you walk down this path and then you stop and on the left you look and you see there's a this and a that. And I really tried to envision it, to picture it, and I just couldn't do it. Yeah. So. 

K            You know, they say, and I'm not saying that you're not a creative person, you are, but they say that people who are kind of like artistic or more creative, they have an easier way of experiencing these things. So I think that makes sense. 

D           That's honestly what I would have thought. Yeah. Yeah. 

K            which I don't consider myself super artistic or creative, but you know. 

D           You are, come on, stop it. Come on. 

K            I can draw a stick figure. 

D           Yeah, right! Yeah, but anyway, it's interesting. but the thing is, know, getting back to stress and all of that and, and talking about ways of managing it, you know, because everybody is different, everybody can find maybe different ways that work for them. You know, it's not a one size fits all kind of thing, you know. 

K            That's yeah, that's true. Because I mean, just because I mean, we just we kind of had a good example here because, you know, obviously mindfulness worked better for me, but then the M-A-S-R, right? Is that what it is?  

D           ASMR. Yeah. I think if you were to listen to it, you'd be like, what is wrong with her? This is weird because it is a little bit weird. 

K            Nobody makes sense because it's that repetitive noise kind of, you know, that kind of puts you into it. It's very, I would say it's kind of similar to meditation too.  

D           Yeah, probably. 

K            So, but what are some other ways that either you cope with stress or maybe you've known people cope with stress? I think there's one walking right in front of you. 

D           That's exactly why I'm laughing. She's so funny. This is my cat. I wonder if the recording will pick up on her purring because she's literally purring right into the microphone. So we'll see what happens. So you'll get a little built in stress relief when you guys hear this. 

K            Yeah. So a lot of people say that pets help them cope with stress and get through tough times. Or some people even said that pets help them get out of depression. 

D           That 100%, I believe that certainly. Yeah. Well, you know, I remember when COVID started, you know, I had my dear cat, Meena, and she passed away right at the very beginning of COVID and about ready to get into lockdown over here. And I had no cat and I thought I'm going to lose my mind over here if I don't have a pet, if I don't have a cat. So I had to quick, get one. 

K            Yeah, and it's interesting how much pets affect our lives. I mean, we had a dog and she passed away around COVID, kind of, yeah. And I remember we just, I guess she got us through COVID, so maybe like a year or two after. But we managed to be without her for a year or so, and then it's like, no, we gotta get another dog. 

D           yeah, I couldn't have lasted a year, no way. I mean, a month was pushing it.

K            Well, I think my husband just was really... It really affected him. She was his dog. He was the favorite person for her. And I think he just really took it more difficult than the rest of us, I guess. I don't know. 

D           Yeah, well, you know, that's another thing that causes stress too, you know, I mean, loss of a pet. Sure. Absolutely. And, yeah. And grief. Yeah. 

K            Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, that's another one I completely forgot about that. But yeah, that's another big stressful thing. But you know, so one of the things people say that helps you deal with stress, which is a little stretch for us, exercise and physical activity.  

D           I knew you were gonna say that because you were laughing. 

K            I might not be the right person to talk about it. 

D           But you know what though, I'm gonna say as much as I don't like exercising, I kind of find it boring to some extent, it really is true, especially if you can get outside, get some fresh air, really is helpful. 

K            Yes. And I noticed that one of the ways it helps me to deal with stress is walking, like long walks. Outside, absolutely. You know, when it's nicer out and the weather is warmer. And I just love nature. I am a plants and trees person. So just going outside, being, you know, in the nature and, you know, seeing trees and listening to birds and, all that stuff and walking. Just for some reason walking just makes it easier, makes it more calm and I don't know, helps you see things differently. 

D           Yeah, definitely. I'm a big fan of walking and getting fresh air, sunshine, you know, it's just, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do. 

K            Right. But I just don't think going to the gym and working out would help me with stress because I feel like just thinking about it makes me stressed out. 

D           I know, right? I mean, I hate going to the gym. I don't like it. And I'm very particular about the kind of exercises that I do because I also get bored really easily. So, you know, I've got this little routine that I'm on now. I watch these videos on YouTube and they're really great because you don't do anything for an excessive period of time. So, you know, you can do it for like a minute. You switch to something else and you know, there are different lengths of videos. Some are even five minutes, some are 20 minutes, some are 10 minutes. And I can just do something and not make myself so bored. 

K            That's true. 

D           Well, I'll tell you another thing that really helps me is if I'm really stressed out about something, I need to watch a good comedy. Yes. Laughter really can be good medicine as they say. It's the best medicine. 

K            Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, another thing that I feel like, and I don't know if I do it intentionally to alleviate the stress, but listening to music, you know, just, I feel like it's a routine for me now every time like I drive to work or run errands or something like just listening to music. feel like it kind of uplifts you and makes you relaxed.  

D           It does, but I can take that a little further. I think if you not only listen to music, but yes, dance. I think if you put on a real banger song that you really love and you get up and start dancing, moving your body around, you just can't help but feel a little bit better. 

K            I have a co-worker who we all know when she's in a good mood and, you know, feels good or whenever she's stressed out because when she's in a good mood, she will walk around and sing and dance. But when she's stressed out, she eats chocolate and peanut butter. So we see her like opening up peanut butter or a bag of peanuts. We're like, uh oh, gotta stay away. 

D           Yeah, tell her to do the singing and dancing when she's stressed because she'll probably feel better.  

K            Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. 

D           So the other thing I was going to say: certain foods or drinks can affect your level of stress. And so I thought I would share with you some good news and some bad news along those lines. Which would you prefer to hear first? 

K            Well, let's go with bad news. Get that out of the way. 

D           They say something you should not really have because it does not help your stress at all is...? 

K            Sugar. 

D           Yeah, that too. But coffee!  

K            No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not true. I’m not gonna believe that. 

D           Me either. Fake news, fake news. 

K            Coffee has so many benefits. Every time I see a new study coming out, there's so many benefits to coffee. So I refuse to believe that it causes stress. 

D           And again, you know, it could be a personal thing too, because coffee makes me happy, so... 

K            You know, and sometimes it's like, it's that comforting thing. you're just kind of tired and stressed out and all that, I was like, you know what? I think I just want to sit down and have my cup of coffee and I will feel better.  

D           Yes. Yeah, absolutely. yeah, I think everything is relative, you know? 

K            Yeah, whoever said that coffee stresses you out, they're not correct. No, no, no.  

D           Yeah, like I said, fake news. That's not true. 

K            What else causes stress? I feel like sugar.  

D           Yes, sugar was one. And the thing is, you know, your body can really be working against you sometimes because sometimes it craves the very thing that is not good for you. So, let's say you're stressed. What do you want to do? You want to eat ice cream? You want to eat candy and stuff like that, you know, but of course then it's just not doing you any favors. But along those lines though, they do say that dark chocolate is good. Probably not in excessive quantities, but you know, like a piece of dark chocolate will help. 

K            It depends how stressed out you are then you will know what the quantity you need. 

D           Am I a little stressed out? Do I need one piece or am I super stressed and I need a whole chocolate bar? 

K            They say, I think I've read somewhere that fruit helps with the stress too. 

D           Really? Any specific fruit or just in general? 

K            O would just say fruits make you happy, kinda. But, I mean, fruit sounds good, chocolate sounds good, Man, I'll take it. Yeah. 

D           Oh, the other thing I saw was about, you mentioned tea, I think, right?

K            Yeah. 

D           Yeah, herbal tea, fermented foods, yogurt, which is weird. That was new to me. 

K            That makes sense. All the healthy food, right? 

D           Yeah, healthy food, stuff you don't necessarily want if you're stressed. You want a big bag of chips or ice cream, big bowl of ice cream. But anyway…. 

K            So before we wrap it up, I just kind of wanted to go back to stressful work and all that. And I was able to find some jobs that are the least stressful. 

D           Oh, good, let's hear that. 

K            Librarians. 

D           I can see that.  

K            Why not? You're surrounded by books. 

D           And especially if you love books, right? People are coming to you asking about books. Hello, your favorite topic. It would be like if I had a job talking to people about cats, you know, like, yes, pay me to talk about my favorite thing. 

K            Right, so here's surprising one. Dental Hygenist. 

D           That is surprising. 

K            Because I feel like it would be stressful for me, make sure that, you know, the teeth are clean and nothing's wrong. I don't know.  

D           I can tell you sitting in the chair, it's stressful on that end. 

K            Plus I would be afraid that the person will try to bite me. So I feel like that would be a stressful job for me. But yeah, and another one that's kind of apparently pretty low stress job is masseuse. 

D           That kind of makes sense though, you know -  because again you're making people happy, and you’ve got the quiet music, know, yeah, that makes sense. Cool. Well, you know what? I think it would be nice to hear from our listeners. Don't forget, there is that little link that says something to the effect of join the conversation, something like that. Let us know if you have any good tips for stress relief because we could all use some of that right now. Let us know your best advice for coping with stress. 

K            Yes, that sounds good. 

D           All right, well, in the meantime, here's to good coffee, good vibes, and great conversations. 

K            Cheers. 

D           Cheers.